Saturday, September 29, 2012
Take a step back...
"Today, I will try my hardest to refrain from disliking someone, whether they "deserve" it or not.
If I can make it through today, maybe tomorrow will be easier."
I wrote that shortly after having become a mother & a family of three. It'd also only been seven months after having gotten married to my wonderful husband. It was a new, scary time. I'd just gotten used to the idea of taking care of someone else, but now I had to be responsible for this new, little life we had created.
Still - I shouldn't have said what I did, especially not about my husband whom I'm supposed to lift up & create a caring, safe environment for.
I was angry, I was dramatic, I was wrong.
Whether you believe it or not, it is my personal opinion that husbands & wives need to do their best to stick together. They need to be on the same team. Of course, that doesn't always mean they agree. But, let's face it - when your teammate makes a play you aren't expecting, you have to change what you're thinking. Often, these things happen so quickly that their team members are forced to make decisions about things they aren't even sure will work. But they do it because they have to.
I, however, don't believe that vows are a less than forever kind of thing. Some people don't mesh - their pieces of the puzzle don't fit together. & that's okay. But no matter what you think about the institution - marriage is hard. It takes work. It's not always the fairy-tale little girls grow up dreaming about. My marriage is no exception to this rule. Although we are (& have always been) a fairly docile, happy couple, that is not to say that sometimes there aren't bumps in the road.
The timeline that's set for couples depends on the couple & what they want out of life. But when you start dating, get engaged, buy a house, get married & have a baby all within two years - things can be...a little more tricky. Both of us knew we wanted to get married & have kids. We talked about it a lot in that first year of being together. The reality of the situation is quite different from the ideas floating around in mine or Dan's head.
Having to adjust to life between all that is difficult. I won't go into detail because it's not my story to tell, but I wasn't the only one in shambles over it. Dan wasn't in a place that he wanted to be, though. He wasn't my husband & he definitely wasn't the father I knew he could be.
It has taken work. Real, hard work. But we have since made up. & made better. Life is forever evolving, changing...going on. & so should a marriage.